I, of course, begin this post with an homage to the patron saint of shoe collectors: Imelda Marcos, who is rumored to have had more than a thousand pair when she and the Old Man fled the Philippines in 1986. (“Come on down!” cried Robin Williams in a Filipino accent at the Academy Awards that year. “Some of these shoes have never been worn!”) You go, girl! However, raping and pillaging the country to acquire them was probably a little over-the-top.
I’ll admit to 50 pair. Or so. The Spouse might quibble with that figure, but he’s long since resigned himself to my shoe obsession. (Just as long as I don’t leave them all over the house.) You see, one can never have too many pair of black sandals. Formal or casual? Heels or flats? Leather, plastic or cork? Open- or closed-toe? It’s important to have OPTIONS.
It wouldn’t take too many sessions with a shrink (in fact, try maybe five minutes) to get at the root of my jonesing for shoe leather. In junior high, when such things became important, there WERE no shoe options for girls with size nine feet. (See my saddle shoes entry below.) Mother made sure I knew it was MY FAULT that I couldn’t find anything but old-lady shoes. (How could I have let my feet get so big? I mean, they were much bigger than HERS!)
I read once that women with big feet made Elvis nauseous, which meant I would have had him gagging up his bunions. I mean, when I did find a pair of black patent leather Mary Janes (which were hot in high school) that actually fit, they made me look like Peppermint Patty! And so I shuffled around for years, desperately hunting for real-girl shoes and hoping no one would notice my gunboats, which unfortunately didn’t STAY a size nine.
Fortunately, with young women growing bigger and taller every year, the options for us Clementines (“…and her SHOES were NUMBER NINE…”) are better. But I still have a hard time walking away from a pair of shoes that are CUTE and that FIT.
You see, it’s my own little scarcity mentality. I’m hoarding for a future when foot-binding comes back into vogue. In fashion, stranger things have happened…